[This is an attempt at AVENGING HIMSELF against his awful roommate who spams him with creepypastas frequently, but alas, An Innocent Bystander is about to get got instead...]
By the time you've read the first word here, it's too late to go back. Everyone has done something they regret in their life. This is a calling card for The Collector. The Collector is responsible for making people pay for those regretful mistakes. No one is sure where it comes from or what it looks like. It is said to take on the form of that which you fear the most. After being given The Collector's calling card, you have ten minutes to act. Sending the calling card out to more people will give it more business, and it might leave you alone. But if you ignore its calling card, it will come pay you a visit instead. You really don't want to know what will happen if it comes knocking on your door.
Send this to 5 people of your choosing and you might be spared a visit tonight, but your luck will be bad for the rest of your life. Send this to 10 people and you will definitely be protected. Expect only moderate luck. Send this to 15 people and not only will you be protected but you will have good luck. Sending this to 20 people or more will secure you wealth, good health and luck until your dying day. If you don't send this to anyone at all, prepare to repent. And remember, collectors always get their dues in the end.
Ranko would have stopped reading, she really would have, but the first sentence clinched it for her. She was trapped. She had to keep going. Regrets? She's had a few, although nothing she thought worth killing over.
It didn't matter if it was real or not - Ranko, absolutely terrified, was just about to send the chain letter to at least ten other people when she managed to stop shaking long enough to type out a nervous reply. ]
Wait it's
it's already been ten minutes hasn't it
Why did you spring this devilry upon me! My magical barrier has been compromised!! Traitors freeze forever in the Cocytus, you know!!!!
Well, Kiyomitsu hadn't bothered watching his text after sending it, since he knew he'd be getting a barrage of either 1) enraged texts from Yamato or 2) that + a literal flood of return creepypastas, so he's really caught off his guard when he opens it after the alert sounds and-- that isn't a return creepypasta? That isn't the dulcet text tones of him having a fit??]
I First of all what even is that But also is this Yasusada
[He knows it isn't, okay. He knows. But he's still hoping that there's some slim chance that Yamato's phone has been possessed by Retrospec glitches.
Honestly he isn't even thinking about how Actually Scared Ranko might be right now since he just assumes no one takes these things seriously. He's mostly just embarrassed!? Strangers can't know he has creepypastas on hand they're so uncool...]
[ Ranko has no idea how cool or uncool creepypastas are generally regarded to be these days (she has a very odd idea of what constitutes 'cool' in the first place), only that she wants them to go away and stop freaking her out right now.
She takes in the confused text of second message - and Kiyomitsu won't know this, but she's hiding behind a pillow has she does so - and it's not what she was expecting either. Does this mean she's not being purposely riled? ]
I am not the Yasusada you seek. Do you intend to hex this person? I'm afraid your spell was miscast!
Why did you want to subject him to the advances of the, [ She glances back at the original 'pasta', shudders, and continues. ]
'The Collector'...was it?
Wait - an answer just came to me! This is another Retrospec glitch, yes? I was likewise tormented by it, forced into sending these scrolls of the damned to a mere child! My soul will be permanently struck down for this terrible misdeed!
because he's an idiot and he spams me with this garbage all the time! he even printed some out once and stuck them all over my room, it was the worst (#｀皿´)
[BUT OH NO she actually sounds pretty distraught about this... Even if he misinterprets the actual source of her distress. He's doing his best, here.]
it's just a glitch so it's not like people are going to be too annoyed with you, right? and if they are they seriously need to chill
I cannot even imagine such a horrible scene! Engraved upon every wall, a scarlet oath - nay, a black spot, intent on only one reaction!
The source of the glitch is not the issue, though. It is that I am now haunted by its presence, by the guilt of assisting its cruel refrain and by the terror of its iron hold on my immortal soul.
[ Let's see if he manages to interpret this, then. Ranko desperately hopes he can. ]
Not cursed in the usual way. I am not afraid of enraged necromancers seeking vengeance. Rather, cursed by the judgmental stares and whispers of the public.
And there is the other matter, one that is much simpler to comprehend: I am not fond of this method of storytelling.
...HE GETS THAT, AT LEAST, though he's also immediately uncertain as to why she's acting like she just revealed some heinous secret.]
well i don't think anyone does, right? or at least not normal people ┐(´～｀)┌ they're annoying and usually really gross! it would be nice if someone could make an app that just blocks them...
[Though, if she doesn't like them--]
sorry again for catching you in the crossfire though （´□｀） i can comp you a drink at the cafe i work at to make up for it! consider it like an anti-curse
Would that such an application existed! I wish to cleanse the malodorous fumes of their presence from my entire device! [ Although Kiyomitsu seems to mainly consider them an annoyance, Ranko was legitimately scared for a minute there. She won't go on about it, though, mainly because it's super embarrassing. Who would believe someone could actually want to hide in a pillow fort because of a chain letter?
She perks up at the latter part of the message, however. ]
An anti-curse? Like a banishment or purification ritual?
yeah! exactly like that like a drinkable omamori or something 100% guaranteed to keep you safe from chainletter curses or at least that chainletter i guess
[Or just a nice free drink because he feels like a big fat jerk for giving her a little fright, but it certainly couldn't hurt to pitch it like this, he supposes...]
you can cash in on it whenever, okay? just stop by when you have some free time!
Well then! I certainly cannot say no to such a thoughtful offer. [ Take that, 'The Collector'! ] When I find a brief moment of freedom from the thorny chains of scholarship to which I am bound, I will glide down to your establishment on eager wings.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
4/1, misfired text, rip...
By the time you've read the first word here, it's too late to go back.
Everyone has done something they regret in their life.
This is a calling card for The Collector.
The Collector is responsible for making people pay for those regretful mistakes.
No one is sure where it comes from or what it looks like. It is said to take on the form of that which you fear the most.
After being given The Collector's calling card, you have ten minutes to act.
Sending the calling card out to more people will give it more business, and it might leave you alone.
But if you ignore its calling card, it will come pay you a visit instead.
You really don't want to know what will happen if it comes knocking on your door.
Send this to 5 people of your choosing and you might be spared a visit tonight, but your luck will be bad for the rest of your life.
Send this to 10 people and you will definitely be protected. Expect only moderate luck.
Send this to 15 people and not only will you be protected but you will have good luck.
Sending this to 20 people or more will secure you wealth, good health and luck until your dying day.
If you don't send this to anyone at all, prepare to repent.
And remember, collectors always get their dues in the end.
rest in rip
Ranko would have stopped reading, she really would have, but the first sentence clinched it for her. She was trapped. She had to keep going. Regrets? She's had a few, although nothing she thought worth killing over.
It didn't matter if it was real or not - Ranko, absolutely terrified, was just about to send the chain letter to at least ten other people when she managed to stop shaking long enough to type out a nervous reply. ]
Wait it's
it's already been ten minutes hasn't it
Why did you spring this devilry upon me! My magical barrier has been compromised!! Traitors freeze forever in the Cocytus, you know!!!!
good bye ranko...
Hm.
Well, Kiyomitsu hadn't bothered watching his text after sending it, since he knew he'd be getting a barrage of either 1) enraged texts from Yamato or 2) that + a literal flood of return creepypastas, so he's really caught off his guard when he opens it after the alert sounds and-- that isn't a return creepypasta? That isn't the dulcet text tones of him having a fit??]
I
First of all what even is that
But also is this Yasusada
[He knows it isn't, okay. He knows. But he's still hoping that there's some slim chance that Yamato's phone has been possessed by Retrospec glitches.
Honestly he isn't even thinking about how Actually Scared Ranko might be right now since he just assumes no one takes these things seriously. He's mostly just embarrassed!? Strangers can't know he has creepypastas on hand they're so uncool...]
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She takes in the confused text of second message - and Kiyomitsu won't know this, but she's hiding behind a pillow has she does so - and it's not what she was expecting either. Does this mean she's not being purposely riled? ]
I am not the Yasusada you seek. Do you intend to hex this person? I'm afraid your spell was miscast!
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omg i am so so sorry
i could have sworn his number was in the send field
i have no idea what happened （ｉДｉ）
just ignore that!!
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'The Collector'...was it?
Wait - an answer just came to me! This is another Retrospec glitch, yes? I was likewise tormented by it, forced into sending these scrolls of the damned to a mere child! My soul will be permanently struck down for this terrible misdeed!
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he even printed some out once and stuck them all over my room, it was the worst (#｀皿´)
[BUT OH NO she actually sounds pretty distraught about this... Even if he misinterprets the actual source of her distress. He's doing his best, here.]
it's just a glitch so it's not like people are going to be too annoyed with you, right?
and if they are they seriously need to chill
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The source of the glitch is not the issue, though. It is that I am now haunted by its presence, by the guilt of assisting its cruel refrain and by the terror of its iron hold on my immortal soul.
[ Let's see if he manages to interpret this, then. Ranko desperately hopes he can. ]
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are you like
feeling guilty about sending this to other people
you know that you don't actually get cursed by sending these out right?
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And there is the other matter, one that is much simpler to comprehend: I am not fond of this method of storytelling.
There! I said it!
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...HE GETS THAT, AT LEAST, though he's also immediately uncertain as to why she's acting like she just revealed some heinous secret.]
well i don't think anyone does, right?
or at least not normal people ┐(´～｀)┌
they're annoying and usually really gross!
it would be nice if someone could make an app that just blocks them...
[Though, if she doesn't like them--]
sorry again for catching you in the crossfire though （´□｀）
i can comp you a drink at the cafe i work at to make up for it!
consider it like
an anti-curse
no subject
She perks up at the latter part of the message, however. ]
An anti-curse? Like a banishment or purification ritual?
I wouldn't turn down such an offering!
no subject
exactly like that
like a drinkable omamori or something
100% guaranteed to keep you safe from chainletter curses
or at least that chainletter i guess
[Or just a nice free drink because he feels like a big fat jerk for giving her a little fright, but it certainly couldn't hurt to pitch it like this, he supposes...]
you can cash in on it whenever, okay?
just stop by when you have some free time!
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Which one would that be, again?
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[Promptly ruining all of the mysterious appeal...]
but it's a good bean! it's-- [INSERT DIRECTIONS what are street names in recolle, a mystery.]
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Very well! Soon your shrine to caffeine will be graced by my noble presence! *cackles*
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[If Ranko ever needs an official translator, he will Be Here to deliver her messages to the masses in extremely shortened form. ANYWAY--]
see you soon!
[For her FREE APOLOGY DRINK as he sends off his awful creepypasta to the right person while he waits.]